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EROTICA PROJECTS
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13.1 Classic erotica explores the intimate, typically physical, relationships both between and among the sexes or genders, some of which have only recently been defined or redefined, at least for many of us. In order of importance, though not necessarily of sequence, narratives should focus on character, pace, and description in order to portray a vivid picture of attraction, arousal, pursuit, and at least temporary capture. The story may be told from the point of view of the pursuer or the pursued – or both if the authors know their craft well enough to pull off such a feat.
Erotica, furthermore, should always tell the reader something about the society – or perhaps the community – in which an author is seeking readers. Why are people sexually frustrated, if indeed most of them are? How might they find the fulfillment they’re missing? How can their pleasure be prolonged, enhanced, and deepened? Is more sex the solution? Or is it more unrestrained sex that brings true satisfaction? Should we be open to sexual experiences we don’t normally engage in? Oral sex, anal sex, group sex, rough sex, kinky sex, sex with a stranger? What specific thrills do these acts bring, if any? How much is money a motivation for sex? What’s it like to be gay for pay, or to bottom bareback for big bucks when you’ve got a wife and kids at home?
Is commitment the key to lasting happiness? Or do most relationships, especially physical ones, have a natural lifespan that peaks and then ebbs? Do opposites really attract? Do similarities realy bind? Is variety truly the spice of life? Erotica poses these questions and then answers them according to its authors’ personal experiences – whether or not they have actually live through (or otherwise intend to experience) everything they choose to write about. Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) intuitively wrote, “You throw it all away [that is, the background of a story] and invent from what you know.”1 The keyword here is to invent characters, scenes, situations, interactions, conflict, struggle, plot, even theme, as you write, not merely to record or chronicle what you might already know (or believe). Instead, build on it as a firm foundation for the truth as you perceive it. As Mark Twain (1835-1910) pointed out, “You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”2
The various forms of birth control notwithstanding, what role does reproduction – the “biological urge” or “need to breed” that many people feel at or past a certain age – play in sexual desire? Does it affect women more than men, and if so how? What ultimately motivates sexual desire in men, women, and those in between? Are women still primarily attracted to men who look as though they could provide well for a family, even if they have other plans for their future in mind? Are men still attracted to women whose apparent beauty, charm, and grace could enrich the gene pool and empower future generations, again whether or not they have family planning or even sexual reproduction in mind? What other factors bring the sexes (or genders) together. How do these drives affect members of the GLBTQIA+ network of communities? Believe it or not, many of them have the same urges as heterosexuals – though these may not offer the best fodder for mainstream erotica. What about self-identified “non-breeders” committing to living “childfree”? Are they more sexually liberated than those who at allow for the possibility of having and rearing children? What about people who perform sexual acts as personal services? They’re not all what we would call prostitutes or even sex workers. Many seemingly legitimate relationships are based on the exchange of sexual services not only for gain, but also for advantage, influence, recognition, and security. Is it possible to exchange sex for love, respect, or admiration – so that if the sex were stopped for whatever reason, the relationship would be in danger of ending? Sex is sometimes confused with love. Lastly, what family values do the polyamorous follow?
We can’t overemphasize the importance of the proper vocabulary in erotic narrative. Using the right sequence of words at the right moment in a story, and knowing when to repeat words and when to vary them, will take practice. Reading your work aloud to others often helps in this regard, but you have to be careful trying that approach with your grandparents. Erotica generally includes differing degrees of profanity in context. In a 1972 sketch, standup comedian George Carlin (1937-2008) identified seven words all but ubiquitous in the spoken language (and even then in movie dialogue, thanks to the MPAA rating system introduced in 1968) that couldn’t be spoken on TV or, usually, on radio, regardless of context. These words, in alphabetical order, are cocksucker, cunt, fuck, motherfucker, piss, shit, and tits. Outspoken satirist and comic Lenny Bruce (1925-66) has been arrested near the end of his life for using these words, in addition to ass (in the sense of “buttocks”) and balls (in the sense of “testicles,” and by extension of “guts” or chutzpah). Erotica provides a suitable context for all these words and others, from asshole (whether a literal “anus” or a figurative “obstructionist”) to twat (whether a literal “vulva” or a figurative “ignoramus”). Just be careful not to overdo it.
Samples of three works follow for comparison. Valley of the Dolls, of course, despite lackluster reviews, remains one of the best-selling novels of the 20th century. A few of its critics no doubt envied its success. Although it uses the word fag almost as often as it does fuck and contains the immortal line, “You know how bitchy fags can be,” it enjoys a large gay following, and not only because of its campy film adaptation starring Barbara Parkins, Patty Duke, and the ill-fated Sharon Tate. Ray Todd was the prolific author of lurid adult novels that sold in dirty bookstores across the country. (A few were translated into Dutch.) Featured titles include Eager Hot Teacher, Hot Pants Weather Girl, and The Senator’s Playmate, many of which are available online in e-book format today. Matthew Rettenmund is an American gay author of fiction and nonfiction who publishes the BoyCulture blog. His 1996 story “Pleasingly” originally appeared in Best Gay Erotica 1996 and The Mammoth Book of New Gay Erotica.
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1“The Art of the Short Story,” (1959). ^
2A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court (1889). ^
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Excerpt from Jacqueline Susann’s Valley of the Dolls (1966)
They became lovers the first night. Although Jennifer had been startled at the proposal, she felt no revulsion; in fact, she was even a little curious. Maria was still the exalted school-girl heroine. And Maria’s logical explanation removed any taint of abnormality. “We like one another. I want to make you know about sex, to feel thrilling climaxes — not let you learn about it by being mauled by some brutal man. We are doing nothing wrong. We are not Lesbians like those awful freaks who cut their hair and wear mannish clothes. We are two women who adore one another and who know about being gentle and affectionate.” That night Maria undressed and stood before Jennifer proudly. She had a lovely body, but Jennifer felt a secret delight in the knowledge that her own was superior. She dropped her clothes to the floor shyly. She heard Maria’s startled gasp as she exposed her breasts. “You are more lovely than I dreamed,” Maria said softly. Her hands stroked Jennifer’s breasts lightly and endearingly. She leaned over and rested her cheek against them. “You see, I love your beauty and respect it. A man would be tearing into it now.” She ran her fingers gently over Jennifer’s body. To her amazement, Jennifer began to feel a sensation of excitement . . . her body began to vibrate. . . . “Come.” Maria took her hand. “Let us lie down. We will have a cigarette.” “No, Maria. Keep touching me,” Jennifer pleaded. “Later, I will touch you and hold you to your heart’s content. But I want you to feel comfortable with me. I will be gentle. . . .” Maria had been gentle, and very patient — taking more liberties each night, slowly teaching Jennifer to respond, erasing any embarrassment. “You cannot just be loved, you must love back,” Maria would insist. “Make me thrill as I thrill you.” Each night Maria urged her on, until at last Jennifer found herself responding with equal ardor and reaching peaks of exaltation she never dreamed existed. She enjoyed a dual relationship with Maria. At night she was eager for Maria, demanding and ecstatic. But during the day she regarded Maria as a friend. She felt no other personal attachment. When they shopped together or explored strange little towns, Maria was just another girl. She felt no involvement. Often they met attractive men — ski instructors, students — and Jennifer found these encounters quite difficult. Maria remained aloof to their advances, but Jennifer found some of the young men quite appealing. Many times as they danced, she felt her body thrilling to the touch of the strong masculine one that held her close. When a boy whispered an endearment, she found herself longing to respond. Once she had slipped out for a brief walk with a particularly handsome Panamanian boy. He was a medical student, and he was going to New York after the war for further studies. He wanted her. They kissed, and she found herself clinging to him, responding to his kisses with equal passion. It was wonderful to hold the strong shoulders of a man, to feel a man’s chest against her own . . . the strength of a man’s hand after Maria’s soft, tender one . . . the firmness of a man’s lips. She wanted this boy desperately, but she tore away from him and returned to the café. Maria had noticed her absence; there was a slight scene that night when they were alone. Jennifer swore it had been a headache, that she had just wanted some air. At last, in bed, Maria relented. . . . _______________
Excerpt from Matthew Rettenmund’s “Pleasingly” (1996)
I rubbed his condomed cock with ForPlay [a lubricant], unable to resist jerking it tightly enough to constitute the beginnings of a handjob. He looked like he would’ve settled for that quick relief, but I couldn’t let that happen so I stopped, applied more lube to my butt, and positioned myself over his erection, squatting over it there on the couch. I was preparing to lower myself onto him, but he beat me to the punch. He’d loosened me enough that when he shoved his fat cock upwards at my asshole, it sank halfway in, no problem at all. “Oh, motherfuck!” I called out, seeing stars and losing control. He started pumping up and into me while I held onto the back of the sofa, just squatted there and let him nail me from below. He held my love handles, pinching them hard enough to burn, while he thrust his hips up, fucking me frantically. Toward the end, he was leaping almost off the cushions to get me as deep as he could, and I felt it, baby, I felt it. “I’m gonna . . .” I stood up on the couch, his prick slipping out of my ass and into his immediately jerking fist. I shot come onto the bricks of the wall, working my meat with my left hand until I didn’t think I would ever come again. By the time I’d collapsed into his lap, he’d spilled all over the coffee table (here’s hoping he’d already read that poor issue of Out) and was losing his boner, half asleep and satisfied. “That was so great,” I murmured. He agreed, hugging me gently and whispering things I couldn’t make out. I looked him in the eye and he looked back, rubbing my belly with one hand, holding me in place – close to him – with the other. I knew then – and I’ll let you know if I’m right when the time comes – that I was gonna be with Christopher for a long time.
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Excerpt from Ray Todd’s Juicy Like Mom (1976)
[Kim] led [Lance] into the kitchen where she opened two bottles, and handed him one of them as he settled onto a kitchen chair. Hoisting herself up, she sat on the edge of the sink only two or three feet from where he was facing her on his chair. Spreading her knees apart, she gave him a direct view up between her thighs. Lance almost dropped from his chair when he casually looked up and saw Kim's naked gash directly in front of his eyes. He was so close that he could see the little droplets of cunt juice oozing out between the slippery pink flesh of her cunt-lips. Her silky golden beaver was shimmering with moisture. “Well,” she asked, slowly swinging her legs, aware that the motion was imperceptibly opening and closing her juicy labes. “What have you been doing lately?” “Not much,” he gulped, momentarily tearing his eyes away from her delicious cunt. Kim was pleased to see his cock throbbing against the front of his bulging pants. She was going to torture the hell out of the boy before using his prick to relieve herself. “What are you staring at?” she suddenly asked. “Nothin',” he said, quickly raising his eyes from her creamy cunt. “You were!” she smiled. “You were staring at my pussy, and that's not nice.” “Hell,” he defended himself. “It's not nice for you to run around without panties.” “I can't help it,” she continued in a small hurt voice as she reached down and rubbed her cunt. “This heat makes my snatch itch so much that I can't stand to wear them.” Watching her finger sliding up and down against the pink, slippery flesh of her slit made Lance's cock pound furiously in his pants. It was one of the most incredible sights he'd ever seen. “Lance,” she suddenly asked, jumping down in front of him and lifting her skirt up, “will you scratch it for me? My nails are too long, but don't get any funny ideas.” When the stunned boy made no attempt to touch her cunt, Kim took his hand and rubbed his finger against her wet snatch. “That's it,” she smiled, removing her hand from his. “Now a little higher. That's right. Yes, now just inside there. Oh, yes, that's the spot!” Lance was almost beside himself with excitement as he probed and rubbed the hot creamy flesh of her juicy slit. "Oh, honey," she whispered. "That's so good. Now put your finger just inside a bit. That's better. Ooooooh, that's so good." The boy couldn't believe what was happening, but he sure as hell didn't want it to stop. The squishy softness of the girl's tight cunt was just about the most delicious thing he'd ever experienced. "Oh, Lance," she sobbed, removing his finger and lightly rubbing her hand on his crotch, "you've got a hard-on." He stared at the girl with disbelief as she continued stroking the big throbbing bulge in his pants. "That isn't very nice," she said in a hurt voice, still caressing his lurching dick. "You have a dirty mind. I just asked you to scratch my itch and you get all horny." Releasing his prick with a last loving little squeeze, she led him back into the living room where she seated him next to her on the couch. "It will be nice to get back to school again," she said to make conversation. "I'm so tired of that damned drive-in." . . . "When does your school start?" he asked, trying to keep his mind away from her fingers that were slowly working up from his knee to his inner thigh. "Next week," she answered, resting her head on his shoulder. Feeling her fingers crawling up closer and closer to his crotch, the excited boy could hardly follow the conversation. "Lance!" she suddenly squealed as she clutched at his throbbing bulge. "You still have a hard-on! Can't you ever think of anything but sex?" Quickly lowering his zipper, she jumped to her feet and pulled his pants and shorts down around his ankles. "Look!" she gasped, pointing at his big hard shaft thrusting up from between his legs. "Your cock is as hard as a rock. You must have the dirtiest mind in town.” . . . The boy sat completely stunned, watching her sliding his foreskin up and down over his throbbing shaft. "Ohhhhh, God," he moaned, his entire body trembling with excitement. "Does that feel good?" she whispered. "Of course it does," he gasped. "Real good?" she teased. "Shit yes!" "I know something that feels a hell of a lot better," giggled Kim, still peeling the skin back and forth over his trembling shaft. "What?" he panted. "This," she whispered, quickly lowering her lips down over his cockhead.
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13.2
“Coming” Attractions – The Weird
Beard Press word of the month is sperm, that is, human (and perhaps
alien) spermatozoa, the male reproductive cells ejaculated from the penis
during orgasm in the semen or seminal fluid. Virtually every hard-core
pornographic film featuring a male performer is punctuated with close-ups of
male ejaculation known in the industry as “cum shots” – even if the actors’
faces aren’t shown. As American essayist Florence King once wrote, “…a
man loves to gaze upon his collected semen. That's him in there, and
looking at it is a supreme ego trip. At such moments he thinks about how many
millions of little hims that inch or so of fluid
could create, so he is in no hurry to dispose of it.” When executed
faithfully – and male orgasms are often faked on video just as women’s
routinely are – the cum shot or “money shot” proves
the sex was real even if other aspects of the performance were not. That
doesn’t guarantee that the male actors derived any real pleasure from the
act. The trouble they have to go through to maintain an erection and
produce a sufficiently viscous and voluminous ejaculate to impress the viewing
audience works against sexual gratification. Former pornstar
Christopher
Zeischegg, known professionally as Danny
Wylde (1985- ), retired from
acting in porn after his use of the Erectile dysfunction drug Cialis,
commonplace in the industry, triggered several bouts of priapism, a
severely prolonged erection that threatened to damage his cardiovascular system
permanently (and to leave scar tissue in his penis) if he continued to take it.
There are those who believe that the come shot, or, as some refer to it, the “money shot,” is the most important element in the movie and that everything else (if necessary) should be sacrificed at its expense. Of course, this depends on the outlook of the producer, but the one thing is for sure: if you don't have the come shots, you don't have a porno picture.
Sperm generates revenue in other ways as well.
Sperm banks, euphemistically known as cryobanks, charge up to $1,000 for a vial of semen, which they sell primarily to single mothers and lesbian couples. They actively recruit on college campuses, seeking healthy, young (usually 18-40), typically tall, fit, and overwhelmingly white men with mostly affluent backgrounds. The banks’ admittedly stringent selection strategies have garnered their share of controversy, reminding some critics of eugenics methods from the last century. In the USA, only about one out of every hundred applicants is chosen; in Europe the rate is closer to 25%. The New York Times reports, “Your odds of getting into Harvard or Stanford are higher than your chances of being accepted as a donor at the major sperm banks.” As a result, many Americans purchase Nordic, and particularly Danish, sperm. Once approved, donors typically produces a sample at a sperm bank or clinic by masturbation in a private room or cabin known as a masturbatorium, which is outfitted with streaming pornography to aid in arousal. Donors may not use any sort of lubricant, including their own saliva, lest it contaminate the sample. In rare cases, donors may extract semen by means of intercourse, presumably with a regular partner, using a special condom that can collect a higher yield that the plastic cups used in most sperm banks. Whether they do this in a specially outfitted concubinatorium is not certain. Donors are usually required to sign a binding contract agreeing to provide at least one sample each week for a period of one to two years. This means they can’t ejaculate by any means for two to three days before their next donation is due, lest the depletion of semen affect the volume and motility of sperm adversely.
Once “collected,” the sperm is processed for long-term storage. If a sample is “washed,” motile sperm are separated from the rest of the seminal fluid and a buffering solution added to keep the individual cells healthy. Sometimes they “collide” anyway and die in a struggle for nutrients. The process is used in intrauterine insemination (IUI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF). “Unwashed” semen is used in intracervical insemination (ICI), the simplest and most common type of insemination, which can be practiced at home with specially designed applicators (though not with an instrument as crude as a turkey baster). Most semen is cryopreserved, or frozen into small vials or straws, popularly known as spermcicles, containing 500 to 1000 mL each. Special substances called cryoprotectant semen extenders are often added to make the freezing and thawing processes less traumatic for the fragile little pollywogs. Straws of semen can be stored in tanks of liquid nitrogen for at least twenty years. Some clinicians have suggested they may last indefinitely. After a six-month “quarantine” period, a sample is typically thawed and warmed to room temperature to be tested for morphology (shape and size), motility (maneuverability), volume, and overall viability (ability to get the job done). A sperm count is also conducted, the post-thaw target averaging 15 million individual sperm. Local regulations set limits on how much sperm a particular bank may distribute in a given area, such as a county or state, to minimize the risk of consanguinity, meaning the donor won’t theoretically be allowed to father more than five to ten children in a given area, lest his offspring might someday meet and develop a romantic interest in each other that would be inadvertently incestuous. Semen can be shipped worldwide, however, except to locales where the practice is illegal. Laws vary considerably from country to country. Even so, demand for sperm is relatively high around the world.
Vials of frozen unwashed sperm can usually be shipped to the purchaser’s home, where it is thawed and hand-warmed before being administered, often by the recipient herself, or by her partner. The recipient is encouraged to masturbate, though again without lubricants, which might damage the sample, so the contractions of her vaginal muscles will pull the sperm into her cervix. Some jurisdictions require that a physician perform the insemination, usually at a fertility clinic.
There is a large unregulated market for sperm that allows wannabe mothers to buy it directly from people they know. Lesbian couples often buy a sample from a gay male friend. Sexually active gay men are usually discouraged from donating to sperm banks for fear they might carry diseases like herpes, HIV, and hepatitis C. Sperm donors usually advertise with pictures of themselves as boys (to suggest what their offspring might look like) with affected pseudonyms like Brainy Bro, Super Cerebral, and Surfer Dude. Judging by their catalogue of members, you could almost mistake a sperm bank for a dating service. Some purchases shop for “genius” sperm from accomplished doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs, movie stars, even Nobel Prize winners. A sample ad follows. Some cryobanks offer more details than these, including recordings of the donor’s speech and letters of recommendation from fellow students, coworkers, and sometimes family members.
Obviously, the possibilities for both fact and fiction about sperm donation are endless.
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DEEP THOUGHTS, AGE 24
Hurry! Only two vials remaining!
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Height: 6’2” (188 cm) Hair: Black Texture: Wavy Eyes: Brown Complexion: Olive Weight: 195 lbs. (88 kg) Body Type: Athletic Body Hair: Light Race: Caucasian Ethnicity: Iranian Nationality: American Family in USA since 1980
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Languages: English, Farsi Religion: Unitarian Attendance: Weekly Jewish Ancestry: None reported Native American Ancestry: None Politics: Left of Center Education Level: BSc Subject: Chemistry GPA: 4.0 Known conceptions: 2 Sign: Gemini Myers-Briggs Type: ESTJ |
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INCLUDES · Medical History · DNA Profile · Genetic Test Summary
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Sperm also turns up a lot in forensic science, and not only in cases of rape. British author Richard Chopping (1917-2008), an expert at using beautiful language to describe hideous situations, once wrote a novel that begins with a trio of children finding a used condom in an alleyway. Hoisting it aloft on a stick, they proceed to ask various passersby what they think it is. A few honestly don’t know, never having seen one in that particular condition before, and none who do know will admit it. This novel, titled The Fly, is not related to French-British journalist’s George Langelaan’s 1957 story of the same name that was later adapted into a series of popular science fiction films. When discovered today, used condoms, along with deposits of semen found at crime scenes, contain DNA evidence that can often be traced back to the – shall we say depositor? – often after an interval of many years. Many crimes have been solved years after the fact, and many convicted but actually innocent rapists released from prison. Too many falsely accused rapists remain incarcerated because the wheels of justice turn slowly in many parts of the country – if indeed they turn at all. How many lives have been destroyed, both literally and figuratively, because semen samples weren’t collected and analyzed properly? How many more lives could be saved if the systems used for storing such records are upgraded and integrated? What do people do with used condoms nowadays? Where do they wind up ultimately?
Infamous TV psychic the Amazing Criswell (1907-82), of Ed Wood fame, once predicted that sperm banks, which he envisioned as vending machines, would operate 24 hours a day. “All able-bodied men” would be required to contribute to them at least once. Women seeking artificial insemination could make a withdrawal, presumably from a common fund, at any time. Considering how roughly half of all marriages end in divorce these days, and how almost as many singles decide to remain unmarried, the idea may not be as farfetched as it seems. Criswell also foretold that abortions would be available by vending machine, though in what form (pills, douche, foam, gel, you name it) wasn’t specified. Maybe he envisioned a sex club of the future. In the 1976 film Logan’s Run, those seeking sexual partners could put themselves on the Circuit, a futuristic hookup app that allowed those offering companionship to advertise on a menu in holographic form and then, if selected, to appear in the seeker’s bedroom. The hero and heroine meet in precisely that way.
Extraterrestrial explorers are widely believed to be interested in human anatomy, including the gametes. Many have been reported in the popular press to have conducted probes or extracted various bodily fluids for research and, in some cases, experimentation. A few aliens have allegedly implanted embryos of some sort into men, even if their purpose in doing so isn’t entirely clear. What is your opinion of alien abductions, semen extractions, and artificial inseminations (or “star seedings”)? Are aliens actually operating human farms or zoos on other planets and populating them with ordinary people like you and me? Or are they only looking for “special” types? Are some scoffers actually denied contact with ETs on the basis of their skepticism?
Finally, there are the so-called supersperm that, according to legend, can survive in warm bathwater for hours or even days and impregnate subsequent users of the tub or shower. How else can certain pregnancies in otherwise decent Christian families be explained? Once deposited on the ground, for instance, these supersperm can crawl up an intended victim’s leg and impregnate her without difficulty, even if no sexual congress takes place. How else can the scientific community account for all the virgin births reported in certain regions of the country? Can supersperm also spread STIs the same way, or are natural immunities built in? Perhaps they’ve been irradiated or fed GMOs to facilitate resistance to infection. What about women who have only oral or digital sex with their partners but still manage to get pregnant? Never underestimate the slither factor of supersemen. Overeager sperm can surely brave massive mounds of flesh and thick folds of fabric to attach themselves to the nearest precious ovum. Perhaps these determined little daredevils are vanguards of the next stage in human evolution. Stranger things have been known to happen.
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13.3 The Intergenerational Generation – The youngest Baby Boomers are now in their late 50s. The Sexual Revolution they started in the early 1960s – or perhaps restarted from a 1920s antecedent that had neither the Pill nor penicillin to fuel its spread, and that took hold about the same time the Baby Boom ended – developed hand-in-hand with the flourishing feminist movement with which it occasionally clashed ideologically. Sex-positive feminists like Helen Gurley Brown (1922-2012), Nancy Friday (1933-2017), and Shere Hite (1944-2020), popular authors and exponents of Second Wave Feminism, didn’t always distinguish between the two social currents. Brown’s 1962 bestseller Sex and the Single Girl, originally endorsed by film actress Joan Crawford (1904-77) and burlesque performer Gypsy Rose Lee (1911-70), lit the fuse for millions, although, truth be told, Truman Capote’s 1958 novella Breakfast at Tiffany’s (minus the soapy ending of the otherwise stellar 1961 film adaptation) may have contributed more tinder to the fire than many social critics give it credit for doing.
To this day, both movements seek freedom of expression, particularly sexual expression, in the face of deep-seated gender stereotypes, which most of their critics, from Marabel Morgan (1937- ) to Beverly LaHaye (1929- ) to Dr. Laura Schlessinger (1947- ), see as biologically defined and/or divinely ordained sex roles that hold the fabric of society together. The two parallel ideologies are rooted in the theory that human sexuality was not intended, through whatever agency (creation, evolution, chance, etc.), for the sole purpose of procreation. Even if it originally was “in the beginning,” more recent human history has circumvented that purpose by proving that women (and gender nonconformists) may at their discretion fulfill socially productive roles other than helpmate, girlfriend, lover, wife, mother, caregiver, mistress, servant, or any other essentially supportive function. Women are as qualified as men to lead, and thus deserve equal rights and opportunities before the law. Women should be free to choose whether or not to get married, bear or adopt children, purchase or otherwise acquire sperm for the purpose of fertilization, and rear their children as stay-at-home moms or with the aid of daycare – all in addition to pursuing an education and a career as they so choose, without these lifestyle choices being contingent on any partner’s assent. They should be free to use any safe artificial birth control method they prefer, including sterilization if desired, and to terminate an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy for whatever reason up to about the 24th of gestation. It follows, at least for most, that everyone should have the right to express their sexual orientation and/or gender identity by freely entering into consensual relationships of their own choosing, relationships that may be dissolved (as amicably as possible given the circumstances) if they prove to be fundamentally unfulfilling.
Feminists in particular seek legal protections from – and strong penalties for – unlawful discrimination, sexual coercion, sexual harassment, domestic violence, and rape. They envision living in a world of self-determination in which individuals are not objectified, commodified, or abused (sexually or otherwise). Most advocate for better options in the areas of work-life balance and in both maternity and paternity leave. Most, perhaps surprisingly, support some form of men’s liberation, understanding as they do that the current system exploits men and women (and other genders as well).
Here the two thought streams begin to diverge. Sexual revolutionaries typically find promiscuity, pornography, and prostitution, among other “liberated” social constructs, such as public nudity, empowering to the individual when they result from self-determination. Although individual opinions differ, feminists in general tend to consider these institutions essentially exploitative – all part of the oppression of women and, by extension, of minorities. Some critics consider gay promiscuity (and all it entails) a different phenomenon from its straight counterpart, in parts because all the participant are more or less equally vested in the outcomes. Or are the tops preying on the bottoms, the butches abusing the femmes (or vice versa)?
Revolutionaries hold that marriage should remain entirely optional, easily contracted, typically with a prenuptial agreement, and just as easily dissolved by means of no-fault divorce, yet fully accessible to both same- and opposite-sex couples, often as an alternative to cohabitation, trial marriage, open marriage, and communal living. They are likely to permit or even encourage the occasional dalliance in an otherwise committed relationship, which most feminists condemn as infidelity, a term with religious roots. Does it make any difference if you tell your partner what you’re doing? Some would argue that the occasional affair, even the long-term variety, makes the heart grow fonder. Though an often ugly fact of human nature, jealousy presents a problem for both groups. In literature if not always in life, it often supplies a motive for murder. The truly liberated don’t shy away from mateswapping and group sex, though they may leave many feminists (not to mention traditionalists) appalled. A few feminists, like Sheila Jeffreys (1948- ), initially supported the sexual revolution but have since grown disenchanted with its overall effects on society.
Most Baby Boomers, it would appear, yearn to pursue their often personal sexual revolutions to the grave - and beyond if that’s at all possible, which some religion doctrines affirm it is, at least under specific circumstances. Levels of the primarily male hormone testosterone peak in men about age 18, and then slowly decrease over the next four to six decades. The same hormone affects women in much the same way, stimulating an interest in sex. Fertility in women begins in the late teens or early twenties and then starts a gradual decrease about age 28. That decrease typically triggers an increase in sexual desire for about two decades as the so-called biological clock ticks away. A woman’s libido is normally closely connected with her menstrual cycle. Sexual desire rises a few days before ovulation, a woman’s peak fertility period, and drops a few days afterwards, as levels of the female hormone progesterone increase and many women have difficulty reaching orgasm.
Whether twenty-somethings derive more pleasure from sex than their elders is open to question, but boomers of both sexes have a reputation (deserved or not) for pursuing intergenerational relationships, known in common parlance as May-December romances. The vitality and stamina of youth inspire those that survive in the hearts of the aging (and aged), and chemical enhancements from Replens to Yohimbine do their best to bridge whatever gap is left. Figuratively speaking, some begin in April, before the younger partner fully flowers in a sexual sense. That’s called robbing the cradle. Thus, at least in the realm of erotica, DILF (“daddy-types I’d like to fuck”) and above all MILF (“mother-types I’d like to fuck”) cultures have spring up to meet the need for intergenerational (or “intergen”) encounters. In spite of the names, these fatherly and motherly types are not typically blood relatives, but instead attorneys, doctors, stockbrokers, teachers, and friends of the family who often have regular partners closer to their own age. A few are sincerely interested in committed relationships with partners with a twenty- to forty-year age disparity, in spite of the developmental hurdles roughly associated with each decade of life. How much does a twenty-something really have in common with a retiree? How much does it matter to their ultimate happiness together? MILFs in particular are popularly known as cougars even when they’re not stereotypically predatory. Younger men seek them out because of their experience on the one hand and of their discretion on the other. Weirdly – which is our specialty – books about cougars are sometimes filed under the heading of parenting. Is a cougar more of a mother figure or a lover? DILfs in a similar situation may be called gray wolves.
To this basically binary coupling, which nonetheless transcends both sexual orientation and gender identity, we add the GILF or grandparent-figure I’d like to fuck. Though the average person’s sex drive peters out by age 60 or so, a few of us remain sexually active, even sexually adventuresome, well into our twilight years, random sparks that light up the blackness of night. Why shouldn’t very mature adults get a piece of the pie too – provided their enlarged prostates, dry vaginas, and brittle bones can handle the necessary roughness? Even if the libido can be “age-proofed,” can the body that houses and “heats” it, as it were, be similarly empowered? Obviously, in some cases they can indeed. Some claim they gain a deeper appreciation of sex after a certain age, whether it’s fifty, sixty, or even seventy, perhaps because it takes place less frequently. The older partner is usually a man in these cases, often a sugar daddy, but not exclusively. Sugar mamas have their kept men as well, though more are probably kept for show than for actual performance. A few self-appointed sexperts have worked the whole process out into a basic formula.
Whatever you do, don’t forget the Baby Boomers, who make up about 21.5% of the population, just under 22% for Millennials, who spearheaded the sexual revolution that brought sex out of the bedroom and into the public square where it may be freely shared, even if it’s only in print, with others.
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